Shizu-locks and the Three Oriharas
by OtherworldlyArtist
Summary: Once upon a time, there was a rather brutish man named Shizu-locks. One day, while lost in the woods, he smelled something delicious. He invaded the cottage where his nose had lead him and unleashed chaos on the Orihara home. Crack story. Yaoi. IzayaXShizuo TsugaruXPsyche RoppiXTsuki


**_Shizu-locks and the Three Oriharas _**

**Author's Note:** A friend and I have been playing around with a rather cracky fairytale story on Izaya and Shizuo with their alternates, which inspired this little oddball. I just had to do it! May Shizuo please not maim me for further destroying his name! I was trying to be funny, hopefully I came across as such! I also tried to stay in character, but I feel that I may have slipped up in same places. I do hope that you still find the story enjoyable~!

***I do not own Durarara or the characters and alternates associated with it

* * *

Shizu-Goldielocks stormed through the woods, tearing down trees as he searched for the path he'd gotten off of somehow. With a growl, a tossed a rock out of his way, unknowingly, hitting a wolf who'd been smacking his lips at him.

Shizu-locks' own stomach growled at him. He glared at it in annoyance to make it stop talking back to him, then glanced forward.

"I'm hungry."

He glared at the forest around him before huffing and continuing forward. He'd just been trying to get back home. Home didn't include a forest. He was pretty stumped on how he'd managed to get so lost. Whatever. He'd just keep going through anything until he figured out where he was.

It was then that a wonderful smell invaded his nostrils. He sniffed and sighed, happily, drool leaking out of the corner of his mouth. Shizu-locks turned and followed his nose, too distracted to notice the girl in the red hood he trotted over.

The scent led him to a little cottage. Too hungry to care about the repercussions for breaking and entering, Shizu-locks kicked the door in.

The dust poofed up, tickling his nose, which only served to irritate him and make him frown harder. Still, the wonderful, delicious smell called out to him even through the dirt. He turned on his heel to what he assumed was the kitchen. There was a table with three bowls resting on it.

He grinned, quickly gobbling up the first, but soon spat it out all over the place when it proved to be too cold. _Hacimenroppi_ was labeled on its outside. Shizu-locks snarled, flinging the bowl away. He stomped over to the next one which read _Psyche_. He sniffed, thinking it might be the prize he was looking for, and took a sip. The blonde made a face, surprised that for the first time in his entire life he found something to be too sweet. Near to giving up on the fabled scent, he picked up the last bowl that read _Izaya_. Shizu-locks 'tch'ed.

_What a stupid name._

His eyes popped open in surprise as his taste buds sang. Now _that_ was what he'd been looking for! It tasted sour and weird at first then became surprisingly hot and sweet. It kept switching back and forth, practically making him dizzy from the taste. All Shizu-locks knew was that he wanted more. The whatever-it-was was gone in seconds. Heck, he'd almost eaten the bowl, too.

The blonde intruder glanced around, getting a little curious now that he was full. Apparently no one was home. What kind of stupid idiot left their food laying around and just left? Tch, people who wanted it stolen!

Hands in his pockets, he found himself in the living room. There were three bookshelves that caught his attention. Shizu-locks liked to read. He tilted his head at the shelves. The first was only four planks of black metal screwed to the wall. He looked at the titles and grimaced. Lots of murder mysteries and depressing crap.

The second was a light, honey brown shelf. It looked nice, but it must belong to that Psyche person since it was full of corny romances and stuff that made him feel like puking.

The last was a brown shelf near a desk. Well, it seemed somebody had some good tastes since there were lots of adventure stories and classics. Sure, there was few psychology books tossed in, but, all in all, not half bad. If only Shizu-locks knew that the owner of those books only liked them to laugh at the human's struggles and almost never finished them for fear of a happy ending.

He took out a cool one about pirates then scoured the place for a comfy chair. There was a rocking chair near the window that seemed nice enough, if one overlooked the pink cushion. Shizu-locks slouched down into it and immediately regretted the action when he ended up in a heap of broken wood. He looked around quickly in guilt before kicking the pieces in the corner with his foot and walking away.

The next chair was a stiff, hard-looking, brown leather chair. A moment later, the chair was halfway out the window as the blonde stomped off, rubbing his aching back.

The last chair was the one by the desk. He'd skipped it because it looked weird. It had these odd . . . wheels on it. Shizu-locks sat down, cautiously. The chair _boinged!_ a bit under his weight, but held strong. He bounced a few times, a smile spreading across his face. He suddenly flew off to one side. He looked down, realizing the chair could move. That's when he began to spin. Shizu-locks leaned back and span, grinning like a maniac. He laughed and laughed, loving the free feeling of it.

He stopped after a little while and gave up on the idea of reading. The frickin' chair was more fun than the book.

He yawned and blinked, getting sleepy. He figured he might as well take a nap. He'd probably be up before the owners got back. And if they returned and got mad, he could take them. He was strong. Shizu-locks rubbed his eye as he went up the stairs, getting more tired with each step.

There were three doors in the hall that greeted him. He pushed the first door open and immediately closed it when black, chains and knives greeted him. There was no way he'd ever be able to sleep in a creepy room like that. He opened the second room and groaned when he saw pink. Pink _everywhere_. And stuffed dolls. Still, the bed looked cozy. He figured he might as well try it out. Shizuo hopped onto the pink comforter and was engulfed by it. He waved his arms and legs back and forth, frantically, as he tried to not drown in all the covers. His hand caught something and a loud _rrriiiipppp!_ sounded throughout the room. Feathers seemed to explode from all around him, suffocating him. With a yell, he emerged from the feathery depths and lived to invade other peoples' territory another day!

He slumped over to the last door, very weary by that point. The room that it revealed didn't seem half bad. Kinda pointy, but not too bad. Shizu-locks eyed the bed, afraid it would be too hard for his liking. He laid back on it and felt very content. It was perfect. Not too hard and not too soft. It was just . . . perfect? No, that wasn't the one. Just good? Just nice? It was just . . . something.

Shizu-locks shrugged, forgetting about the dumb phrase he was trying to remember.

The blonde felt like being a little childish and began jumping on the bed, even happier when it didn't give. It was like the bed was _made_ for jumping on! Once he'd tired himself out, Shizu-locks flopped down and quickly fell asleep.

* * *

Izaya Orihara frowned, trotting down the path to his house. He was very upset. It was mating season for him and he'd locked onto a _very_ tasty morsel. Unfortunately, he'd lost the trail when it seemed his prey had randomly gone off into the forest. He had tried to follow the wreckage left in his treat's wake, but, sadly, it seemed the idiot was so lost that he'd circled his own path so many times that there was wreckage in almost _every_ direction. Izaya frowned harder. He really hated losing.

The fact that his brothers had found suitable mates only made his loss all he more embarrassing. The youngest, Psyche, skipped about with a moonstruck man named Tsugaru following him as if in a trance. The pink-eyed raven had only needed to speak a few of his sweet, innocent words to have the big blonde completely enraptured.

Izaya smiled faintly after the middle Orihara, Roppi, who was holding hands with a tiny blonde with big eyes and glasses. The little blonde named Tsukishima was trying to hide and kept looking behind him as if he would bolt if given the chance. Tsuki never did get far each time his thoughts turned to running for Roppi would give him a look that spelled doom should the runt try anything stupid. It made Izaya want to laugh. The silliness of Psyche and Tsugaru's overly lovey displays dosed with the fearful and dangerous tone of Roppi and Tsuki would make for an interesting household in the future. Izaya looked forward with a frown, wondering what his prospective mate might have been like. Obviously a know-nothing brute if the disaster he left behind was anything to go by. The thought made him smile.

Izaya raised a brow and stopped in his tracks when he saw the door to their house was open and hanging off its hinges. Roppi stopped, too, but it was Psyche who said something.

"What happened?!"

"What's wrong?" Tsugaru responded to Psyche's distress immediately.

"Our house!" the littlest raven cried while the big blonde drew him into his arms.

_I wonder . . ._ Izaya thought as he entered the house.

Psyche flew past him, looking everywhere at once in his panic. Roppi just dragged an increasingly fearful Tsuki into the kitchen.

Izaya burst out laughing when Roppi's death glare grew tenfold at the sight waiting for him. It seemed the essence of themselves that they had been making all morning was all gone. For mating season, it was required that they made something to represent themselves to give to their mate to see if they would mesh well together. It seemed a certain someone already took the test.

"My bowl . . ." Roppi hissed, ominously, at the shattered remains lying in a spray of his essence.

He looked at Tsuki, quietly, who stared at him as if he were an animal poised to attack, then looked back down. In a burst of speed, he knocked Tsuki off his feet and put a foot on his head to plant his face in the ground.

"Drink it." He demanded of the whimpering little blonde.

Izaya grinned. He guessed Roppi wasn't willing to lose his mate so easily. Tsuki would have to get used to so much shows of devotion and affection. Even if it killed him.

Izaya tipped his bowl towards him and absolutely smirked when it seemed all of his had been eaten by their housebreaker. Oh, he was so excited to hunt down his little lost prey, now!

Psyche shook his head at his brothers before picking up his bowl and skipping over to his mate. A light blush graced his cheeks as he looked up at Tsugaru and smiled with the bowl stretched out.

"For you." He tilted his head to the side, dreamily.

A bright blush spread across Tsugaru's face. He coughed once into his fist before taking the bowl and having a sip. His eyes widened and he downed the rest of the contents. Psyche beamed up at him, ecstatic.

"Yay! Tsugaru's mine!" Psyche tackled the man and hugged him tightly.

Roppi watched over the proceedings, seeming to get angrier and angrier. He looked back to Tsuki on the floor and pulled the kid up.

"What is wrong with you? Get off the floor." He snapped before turning away, mumbling softly. "I'll make more for you later."

Tsuki just looked at him then at their held hands and squeezed Roppi's, comfortingly.

Izaya rolled his eyes and went into the living room, determined to find his troublemaker. More destruction lay waiting for him.

"No!" Psyche whined once again, dropping to his knees before a pile of woods that used to be his beloved rocking chair. Roppi's eye twitched when he walked in to see his chair hanging halfway out the window.

"Someone's going to pay." He glared. Tsuki had been walking into the room behind him. When he heard those words, he froze, then backed out with his hands up.

Izaya ignored them, true fear shooting through him at the idea that his beloved rolly chair might be destroyed. He didn't care if it was his mate who'd done it, he'd eliminate the fool who wrecked his chair. He breathed a sigh of relief when he sat down in it and it showed no signs of stopping its mad spinning.

"Ha ha!" he shouted with glee as he jumped from the chair, leaving it spinning, before racing for the stairs.

They had a small house, so there was only one area left where his possible mate could be!

_The bedrooms._ He thought with a suggestive grin.

His feet ate up the stairs and he bounced up to the top floor with a light hop. Psyche and Roppi, along with their blondes, were right on his heels.

"_Not_ my room." Roppi snarled, ripping the door open after he shoved past Izaya. A quick inspection showed that nothing had been disturbed. He calmed down, though he still felt like killing someone.

"Get in here." Roppi stomped over to Tsuki, who had peeked his head from around the door frame, and pulled him inside with a quick yank.

He slammed the door in the other's faces and that was that.

Psyche hid behind Izaya as they made their way to his room. The door was wide open and Izaya figured that pretty much spelled doom already.

Psyche gasped. Izaya looked down at him to catch the horror on his face. How delightful!

"M-my room . . ." he rubbed at his face, trying to stop the evitable tears from falling.

And then Tsugaru had to come in a ruin it. He put a hand on Psyche's shoulder, leaning down to his level. "It's okay, Psyche. Look."

The pinkette did so. Tsugaru held a feather up and smiled, gently. "Now, everything is more fluffy and fun. " he tickled the little Orihara on the nose with it.

Psyche giggled and looked at his room with bright eyes. "You're right, Tsu-chan!"

He jumped onto his bed, unleashing a flurry of feathers in every direction. He grabbed an armful of the fluff and threw it in the air, letting it rain down over him. "Come on, Tsu-chan! Play with me!"

The calm man laughed and went to join him in his fun, dodging feather attacks. Izaya made a face, closing the door on the disgusting display. Apparently he and Tsugaru were going to have problems. He didn't like for people to cut his fun short.

Izaya sighed, afraid that his hopes had been for naught. Perhaps his flighty problem-maker had fled the scene and wasn't going to just land in his lap after all. Pity.

He took back every negative thought when he opened his door and found a blonde man lounging in his bed. One whiff of the air in the room was all he needed to confirm that it was his elusive mate.

"My, my," Izaya said softly, hands in his pockets as he approached the resting brute. "you're a lot of trouble. I almost gave up on you."

The man, seeming to be disturbed by the sound of Izaya's voice, grumbled and swatted at the air before turning away from him.

Hmm. It seemed his mate didn't like him too much. They were probably going to have a lot of fights ahead of them, then.

Izaya smirked and thought:

_Just right._


End file.
